Kelly Woody and colleague analyzed a survey completed by 95 spouses, 75 percent women and 25 percent men. Over three-fourths had been married once, with 20 percent in their second marriages. The respondents were asked to report on their “most recent wedding night.” Most were over age 40.

Findings

The questionnaire was designed to assess the quality of the wedding night experience, the best and worst experiences, and some recommendations.

1. Rating. When asked the question, “On a scale of one to ten with zero being awful and ten being ‘wonderful,’ what number would you select to describe your wedding night experience?,” the average was 6.81 when we looked at all marriages. Grooms reported more positive experiences than brides, 7.19 to 6.68, respectively. When second marriages were the focus, the average was 8.4.

2. Summaries. When asked to “summarize your wedding night experience” some of the comments were:

1. “We only went away for 1 night as the next day was Christmas. I was 17, it was lots of fun, we ate out, and had a great night.”
2. “It was a fulfilling, happy occasion, knowing that I was starting a new chapter in life.”
3. “It was a disaster. He was thinking about his old girlfriend and wishing he had married her.”
4. “We had an amazing night. It was so hard to keep our hands off each other.”
5. “It was so wonderful but we were tired. It could have been better.”

3. Best part. When asked to identify “the best part of the wedding night,” 29.7 percent listed “just being with my new partner”; 17.8 percent listed “sex”; 10.5 percent said “nothing”; and 9.4 percent listed the “reception.”

4. Worst part. When asked to identify the “worst part of the wedding night,” 23.1 percent listed “accommodations and the partner’s demeanor”; 21 percent said “being so tired”; 9.4 percent said the “end of celebration”; 8.4 percent said “nothing”; 6.3 percent listed “sex”; and 3.1 percent listed “pain.”

5. Change. To the question, “If you could replay your wedding night, what would you change?” 34.7 percent of respondents answered, “nothing”; 18.9 percent responded “not be tired”; 14.7 percent listed “different time/place”; and 9.5 percent listed “different person.”

The data revealed that the wedding nights for these respondents were mostly positive experiences. Recommendations were to plan weddings early in the day so that the reception is over early. Also, the couple might plan to spend the first night a short drive from the reception. Avoid leaving a reception at 11:00 p.m. and driving four hours. Many newlyweds suggested staying in a hotel close to the reception and flying to a honeymoon destination late the following afternoon. Also, avoid an early-morning flight the day after your wedding.  For further reading on marriage and sexual issues, see the Marriage Room and the Sexual Intimacy room at Heartchoice.com