Children and Divorce : Heartchoice.Com

When it comes to children and divorce, it can have a traumatic affect on them. Especially if they have not been well informed as to why it is or has taken place. Many children go through their parent’s break up with comparatively few tribulations or enduring pessimistic results. On the other hand, some children can be greatly traumatized which has a lasting influence on them. This often occurs when a change of environment takes place, such as a new place to live, new schools and having to make new friends. All this contributes to their emotional reaction, which may be shown in outbursts of anger and or fear. This particularly transpires when children cannot sufficiently convey these emotions, they tend to feel exceptionally defenseless and ‘bottle’ it up, which causes disturbing apprehension.

Identifying the signs with regard to children and divorce is essential for their health and well being. To establish a child’s understanding of the incident is important, as it is usually not about the divorce, but more importantly the ‘why’ it has happened. Therefore, be alert to any changes in your child’s general behavior and attitude. For example;

Mood swings, when ordinarily good-natured.
Remarks on their own stupidity and feeling insignificant, which will eventually result in low sense of worth.
Lingering grief or sullenness. Displaying a sudden disinterest in normal activities.
Illogical fears and staying away from people, places and things that under normal circumstances they are secure with. Extreme weeping and “separation anxiety” when relatives and friends go after a visit.
Unacceptable rage, which is displayed by unwarranted aggravation, repeated bursts of anger, getting into brawls at school, with brothers or sisters, and shouting at parents.

These are just a few of the signs to look out for when dealing with children and divorce.

Children also need to discuss their emotions just as an adult would, if not more so. However, they will not talk to people that they do not feel at ease with. Rarely will a child discuss how they feel with their parents, for fear of rebuttal. Children also require the ability to help them handle stress and to deal with these circumstances which they no have power over. The problems that can arise from children and divorce are very real, for that reason, it is vital that they receive the support that they so rightly deserve. Therapists that are trained in this field will assist children to openly communicate their feelings and will work with them. There are some therapists who counsel children in groups; this tends to be quite beneficial to a child as they do not feel quite so alone, that there are other children experiencing the same emotions.

There are some great websites available where you can find a therapist in your area; alternatively you could obtain a recommendation from your doctor. There are also a number of self-help books relating to children and divorce, which may possibly help in the interim. For a start visit Heartchoice at www.heartchoice.com