| This
month's Poll |
My first wedding night as a new bride:
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| Three Questions Women ask About Divorce |
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Question: I did not want the divorce and my
children tell me they miss their daddy and want him home. What do I say to
them?
Your goal is to protect the relationship your children have with their
dad,not to prove that you wanted to keep the family together. Tell them
that their Dad misses them too and remind them of when they will see their Dad
next. Tell them how happy their Dad will be to see them. You might also suggest
that they phone or email their Dad, write him a letter, or draw a picture to
give to Daddy.
Question: My ex-husband does things with my children when they are
with him that I disapprove of such as teaching them to shoot a gun at a rifle
range, taking them white water rafting, and taking them bungee jumping. What can
I do?
You can do very little. Since your ex has the legal right (as do you) to
expose his children to activities of his choice when they are with him, you
might consider that the two of you together will have very balanced children
since they will learn a different set of behaviors and values from you. A case
can be made for the styles of parenting of both your and your ex-husband. Unless
you feel that he is reckless and that the children's lives are in danger (an
attorney can alert you to your legal options), let it go.
Question: I am divorced and remarried to a man who has two children
who do not like me. What can I do?
Basically, don't take personally the fact that they do not like you. They may
not like any new person in their dad's life. You represent the death
of their family as they knew it and they may fear getting close to you out
of disloyalty to their mother. Give them time. Lots of it. In the meantime,
avoid saying anything negative to your stepchildren or behaving negatively
toward them. Also, do not criticize their mother in front of them. Encourage
your husband to spend time alone with his children doing activities the children
enjoy. The more secure his children feel in their relationship with their Dad,
the less likely they will view you as a
threat. |
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