[ Close Window ]
While this web site is
about sexual intimacy and your hosts feel that sexual intimacy is enhanced when
the sexual partners are involved in a loving, reciprocal, monogamous
relationship, individuals vary with regard to whether an emotional
relationship is a necessary prerequisite for sexual involvement. One visitor to
this web site wrote: Sex is good and
beautiful when both parties want it, but when one person wants sex only,
that's bad. I love sex, but I like to feel that the man cares about me. I
can't handle the type of sexual relationship where one night I spend the
night with him and the next night he spends the night with someone else. I
feel like I am being used. There are still a few women around like me who
need the commitment before sex. Other people feel that
love is not necessary for sexual expression. "Some of the best sex I've had,"
remarked one person, "was with people I was not in love with." The idea that sex
with love is wholesome and sex without love is exploitative may be an untenable
position. For example, two strangers might meet, share each other sexually, have
a deep mutual admiration for each other's sensuous qualities, and then go their
separate ways. Such an encounter is not necessarily an example of sexual
exploitation. Rather, it may be an example of two individuals who have a
preference for independence and singlehood rather than emotional involvement,
commitment, and marriage. Given the risk of contracting STDs and/or HIV, we
suggest that casual unprotected sex may have fatal consequences. Each person in a
sexual encounter will undoubtedly experience different degrees of love feelings,
and the experience of each may differ across time. One woman reported that the
first time she had intercourse with her future husband was shortly after they
had met in a bar. She described their first sexual encounter as "raw naked sex"
with no emotional feelings. But they continued to see each other over a period
of months, an emotional relationship developed, and "sex took on a love meaning
for us." This couple later married, had a family, and are still together. Sex with love can also
drift into sex without love. One man said he had been deeply in love with his
wife but that they had gradually drifted apart. Sex between them was no longer
sex with love. Similarly, some women report being in relationships with men who
feign love but actually use them for sex. Both love and
sex can be viewed on a continuum. Love feelings can range from nonexistent to
intense, and relationships can range from limited sexual interaction to intense
interaction. Hence, rarely are sexual encounters completely with or without
love; rather, they will include varying degrees of emotional involvement. Also,
rarely are romantic love relationships completely with or without sex. Rather,
they display varying degrees of sexual expression. Where on the continuum one
chooses to be---at what degree of emotional and sexual involvement---will vary
from person to person and from time to time with the same
person.
[ Close Window ]