Living together is defined as staying in the same residence overnight for four nights a week for at least three months. People live together for different reasons- to test their relationship, as a prelude to marriage (they are engaged) or to same money.
The pros of living together are:
- Very happy. Most young childfree couples who live together report that they are very happy.
- Delay of marriage. Couples who marry in their teens have three times the divorce rate. Couples who live together are not only learning about each other but getting older. The older you are at marriage…into your late twenties/early thirties, the better in terms of having the best start on a marriage together.
The cons of living together:
- Feeling used or tricked. When expectations differ, the more invested partner may feel used or tricked if the relationship does not progress toward marriage. One partner said, “I always felt we would be getting married, but it turns out that he never saw a future for us.”
- Parents. Some cohabiting couples must contend with parents who disapprove of or do not fully accept their living arrangement. For example, cohabitants sometimes report that, when visiting their parents’ homes, they are required to sleep in separate beds in separate rooms. Other parents react to their their child’s cohabiting by cutting off communication, as well as economic support, from their child. Other parents display lack of acceptance of cohabitation in more subtle ways. One woman who had lived with her partner for two years said that her partner’s parents would not include her in the family’s annual photo portrait. Emotionally, she felt very much a part of her partner’s family and was deeply hurt that she was not included in the family portrait. Still other parents are completely supportive of their children’s cohabiting and support their doing so. “I’d rather my kid live together than get married and, besides, it is safer for her and she’s happier,” said one father.
- Economic disadvantages. Cohabitants typically do not benefit from their partner’s health insurance, Social Security, or retirement benefits. In most cases, only spouses qualify for such payoffs.
Given that most relationships in which people live together are not long-term and that breaking up is not uncommon, cohabitants might develop a written and signed legal agreement should they purchase a house, car, or other costly items together. The written agreement should include a description of the item, to whom it belongs, how it will be paid for, and what will happen to the item if the relationship terminates. Purchasing real estate together may require a separate agreement, which should include how the mortgage, property taxes, and repairs will be shared. The agreement should also specify who gets the house if the partners break up and how the value of the departing partner’s share will be determined.
